"And yet it is through this system of defense Christ walks with ease, never seeming to fear that He would do damage by rummaging around in the tender complexity of a persons identity. Instead, He goes nearly immediately to our greatest fears, our most injured spaces, and speaks to those places with AUTHORITY." -Donald Miller
Shhh.....
When people keep secrets from God. When we do not reveal to him our inner most beings. we are defining ourselves by those secrets. I have been listening to the Mill online (the college group from New Life Church) and they have been doing a series on secrets. We often define secrets as sin that we are in that we don't want any one to know about, usually pertaining to sexual sin. But secrets can also be about things that have happened to us in the past, people we hate, things that we have done in the past, and of course the places we struggle in during this present time. How then do we trust God and how do we walk out the process of freedom so that we may become more intimate with God? This requires a level of trust in God that is well, honestly quite terrifying. (*side note: as well as trusting in people God has placed in our lives the scripture says to confess one to another... He uses people to bring healing, but ultimately He is the one who truly heals). We have to trust that God is who His word says He is, and that we will not be rejected by Him due to things that we have allowed to trap us. We need to strip ourselves of shame,pride, guilt, self-loathing, unforegiveness...ect. We need to not believe the lie of the enemy that says "If they only knew what I was like..." God's word commands that we do not hide in the darkness but that we reveal all to Him who is Light, who is truth, who is Redemption, who is Love, who is God.
**Rom.6:11-23,Rom.8:1-17, 1 Cor.13:4-12, 1Cor 5:17-21, Gal 2:20-21, Gal 5:1, Eph.4:17-32, Eph.5:1-21, Eph.6:10-20, 1Thess 2:2-6, Titus 3:5-11
Life:
This week my co-leader to KENYA and I challenged our team our team to pursuit God like never before. To seek true intimacey with the father with the desire to know Him. To shift their perspectives off of the craziness of life, and to desire first only Him. So, in light of this team challenge I have spent most of this break alone in my room seeking after God. Psalms 139:23 says "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way of the everlasting." As I read this scripture at the begining of the break I was all fired up saying "Yes Lord! remove what you do not find as sweet fragrence to you! Make what is in the dark become light!" and then He answered. And he began to dig. and I began to hurt. What happened to fluffy encounters with God? (that was sarcasm.) At first I pulled back, last year was a pain in the ... and I did not want to revisit the pain. I felt I had already learned what I needed to. But God kept bringing me back to those places of pain and confusion and frustration until I would talk it out with Him.you see, I have secrets from God. rather, I have secrets that I don't share with Him he already knows them...anyways.
Example you ask?
Adam and Eve. God knew when Adam and Eve tried to keep a secret from Him. They were defined by their secret sin. They ran from God when ever they felt him drawing near (take note that God continued to pursuit...His Love is greater**Rom.8:38-39!), only creating further distance, rather than that place of intimacy that occured when walking with their Father in the Garden. This was a moment of great tragedy. At that moment Adam and Eve forgot that God was good, they forgot their place as children of God, everything they did was to protect, their secret (even wearing clothes!) We need to remember that God is good. Of course, God as the loving father, sent His only Son to reconcile us to Him that we may once again walk in intimacy with Him.
So, Secrets versus Intimacy? There are no secrets in intimacy.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Monday, October 1, 2007
The Middle East: Prayers to sweep the Desert.
I have never been to the middle east. But my prayers have often been carried in that direction. This year I have been taking a class called "History of Modern Islam." In this class we have been building an understanding of the Islamic Religion, which has an emphasis on power, obedience and submission in the Islamic religion. As I heard more information I felt very fortunate to have a relationship with the Lord. We should daily be thankful for the freeing and intimate love of the Father, and because of that love our hearts should break for the lost who do not know God and have fallen into bondage serving false gods. I heard this sweet quote once that said: "We cannot intercede for people unless our hearts break for the thing God's heart breaks for." My challenge for you is to allow God to break your heart for the people who do not know the Love of God. Those people could be in the middle east, in the United States, your city, your school or your family.
*Below are some statistics about the middle east, it shows that 99.8% of the people in Afghanistan are Muslim, meaning that 99.8% of the people are living in darkness, unaware of the love of God. As you read this may your heart be challenged to Pray for the Lost that they would have a hunger for God, that they will no longer be satisfied with a cheap version of love and intimacy, and that they will no longer live in darkness but be exposed the light.
John 3:16-17 "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condem the world, but to save the world through him."
Saturday, September 15, 2007
I play with Fire.
The word "Fire" resounds in my heart. God is calling a people to him that will be on fire. They are unable to hold in the fire it burns in their heart. it consumes them, it purifies them, it lights others on fire, drawing man not to themselves but to God. We are part of something bigger than ourselves. bigger than "callings" and "dreams" "giftings" we are part of a movement of fire that is sweeping the earth. He is calling men and women to "stand on the pyro line" as a woman in CoSpgs. once spoke to me. We always talk about the world getting darker. I personally think that we are getting brighter and that is why the world is getting darker.
God is not putting up with this "living a mediocre life crap," He has drawn a line in the sand a "pyro line" either we step up or we stay back, however we decide-He is moving forward. He will not beg us to come but He will provide opportunity for us to follow, to obey. God once told me "Sarah you can stay here, but I am moving." ouch. but back to the point: I KNOW He didn't call us to hide our fire or to just barely keep it alive. We are to feed it, we are to build it up, we are to allow it to consume us, "for the glory of God and so that others may live." People are drawn to fire. I have noticed that a lot of Christians are feeling a tugging on the inside, they are challenged, the crap that they/we have allowed to settle is being brought up. We cannot compromise, He is calling fire to PURIFY his people. (We always think of purity in terms of sexual purity. But God is calling purity in all areas...) We say "the world is getting darker" He says "I am calling you to be brighter. be consumed by me, allow my fire to consume you." May the word of God be like fire in your bones.
"But if I say, I will not mention or speak any more in his name, his word is in my heart like fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed I cannot." -Jeremiah 20:9
"Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you. See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but the Lord rises upon you and his glory appears over you. Nations will come to your light, and kingss to the brightness of your dawn." -Isaiah 60:1-3
God is not putting up with this "living a mediocre life crap," He has drawn a line in the sand a "pyro line" either we step up or we stay back, however we decide-He is moving forward. He will not beg us to come but He will provide opportunity for us to follow, to obey. God once told me "Sarah you can stay here, but I am moving." ouch. but back to the point: I KNOW He didn't call us to hide our fire or to just barely keep it alive. We are to feed it, we are to build it up, we are to allow it to consume us, "for the glory of God and so that others may live." People are drawn to fire. I have noticed that a lot of Christians are feeling a tugging on the inside, they are challenged, the crap that they/we have allowed to settle is being brought up. We cannot compromise, He is calling fire to PURIFY his people. (We always think of purity in terms of sexual purity. But God is calling purity in all areas...) We say "the world is getting darker" He says "I am calling you to be brighter. be consumed by me, allow my fire to consume you." May the word of God be like fire in your bones.
"But if I say, I will not mention or speak any more in his name, his word is in my heart like fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed I cannot." -Jeremiah 20:9
"Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you. See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but the Lord rises upon you and his glory appears over you. Nations will come to your light, and kingss to the brightness of your dawn." -Isaiah 60:1-3
Monday, September 10, 2007
Curious.
How do you know if you will experience hereditary teeth loss? Is there such a thing?
Ok, so ridiculious thoughts like this were going through my head as I sat through a four hour meeting in church. Seriously. It's amazing how intellectual you become when boredom sets on. Some of my craziest ideas, deep reflections, and um...weird questions have been birthed during a humanities class, a long work meeting, or sadly...church. Like, who invented pajama pants with pockets in them? When are you supposed to use the pockets? and why don't the friend's of the man who wears a hairpiece in the row ahead tell him that when he worships it flops up and down and becomes distracting? or why aren't all books picture books? I don't discriminate between the "picture books" versus the "word-filled books" both are important. I'm all for equal opportunity, both can be viewed as intellectual reading material.
Why did we sing songs in sunday school about "Noah's arc and the 'floody floody'" it sounds like it was quite a traumitizing experience, yet elementary schoolers everywhere are singing versus about Noah washing all the people in the floody floody, and to make it worse...the song is accompanied by hand motions!
I wonder if the man who invented sticky notes covered his walls with them. I know that when I get a fresh stack of sticky notes I love to write tons of them and stick them all over my planner, and books, and the wall. haha, I can imagine his wife coming in everyday, sighing- and then removing them from the coffee table...darn you sticky note man.
anyways those are just a few of the many thoughts that have gone through and are going through my head as I sit in the computer lab and finish the last of my MicroApplications in Business Microsoft Excel spread sheets. oh yeah! I'll pass it this time.
Ok, so ridiculious thoughts like this were going through my head as I sat through a four hour meeting in church. Seriously. It's amazing how intellectual you become when boredom sets on. Some of my craziest ideas, deep reflections, and um...weird questions have been birthed during a humanities class, a long work meeting, or sadly...church. Like, who invented pajama pants with pockets in them? When are you supposed to use the pockets? and why don't the friend's of the man who wears a hairpiece in the row ahead tell him that when he worships it flops up and down and becomes distracting? or why aren't all books picture books? I don't discriminate between the "picture books" versus the "word-filled books" both are important. I'm all for equal opportunity, both can be viewed as intellectual reading material.
Why did we sing songs in sunday school about "Noah's arc and the 'floody floody'" it sounds like it was quite a traumitizing experience, yet elementary schoolers everywhere are singing versus about Noah washing all the people in the floody floody, and to make it worse...the song is accompanied by hand motions!
I wonder if the man who invented sticky notes covered his walls with them. I know that when I get a fresh stack of sticky notes I love to write tons of them and stick them all over my planner, and books, and the wall. haha, I can imagine his wife coming in everyday, sighing- and then removing them from the coffee table...darn you sticky note man.
anyways those are just a few of the many thoughts that have gone through and are going through my head as I sit in the computer lab and finish the last of my MicroApplications in Business Microsoft Excel spread sheets. oh yeah! I'll pass it this time.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Who I am.
Yesterday was my one year anniversary of being baptized. One year ago I was really sick, I stopped breathing, then by the grace of God I was healed when baptized.
I spent this memorable day doing. well. nothing. As I went through the day I decided to question God. Such questions as: "Why did you save me? Was it worth it? Am I worth it?" You see, in my reflections of this year I felt pain, dissapointment, anger, and shame. I had a huge expectancy for this year. I thought because God had saved me in such a huge way it was because of this big, magnificant purpose. But when I looked back I saw this:
1. Divorce (my parents)
2. Cheating (my parents)
3. broken friendships
4. heart ache
5. false hope (RA program, staff, Kenya TL)
6. Hospitals (multiple visits) seizures and as a result no more outdoors activities (running), or hanging out late with friends, or doing fun things. was i sick because of "lack of faith?" or "unforgiveness?" "past sins?" (direct quotes)
7. confusion about my future, self-doubt, lack of self-confidence, major... MAJOR crisis of faith
8. lonliness in a community setting....(it is possible)
9. Prayer. People would pray for me, I wouldn't be healed, and I would leave embaressed, feeling that everytime I had a seizure, or "submitted to the spirit of sickness" (yes a direct quote), that I was sinning.
10. graduating late, failing courses....arrr....microcomputing
11. switching churches...arrr.....pain in my heart.
12. switching friends....arr...pain in my heart.
I felt that all God had told me, all God had given me, I had screwed up. I had dissapointed him, this caused shame and a whole lot of pain. I would spend hours crying, crying for hope. I stopped dreaming of a good future, for fear that there was nothing good in mine. I became bitter and would fight God, and would disobey with a prideful attitude because I was hurt, I was angry, I did not feel safe. I just wanted to feel safe.
~Journal Entry:
Rain always makes me feel safe. On the day of my baptism, in Uganda, it rained ONLY in the backyard where I was standing. Every month on the 10th (I was counting up to the one year celebration haha time on my hands...) it would rain. On my one year...suprise suprise...it rained. It's God's way of telling me that I am safe, that He is faithful and good.
Anyways...
That brought me to yesterday where I asked God if it was worth it. Was saving me worth it? I felt I had screwed up his plans, and perhaps he was done with me. and that this year was punishment. God answered me with a fierceness in his voice, I imagine it to be the way He spoke to Job when Job questioned the character of God (Job 38-41):
"Sarah, I did not save you so you could accomplish great things, or because of your giftings, or your leadership skills, I saved you because I am your Father and you are my daughter, and that is what Father's do, they protect their children."
I had been saved for a "great magnificant purpose:" to know Him. I just had the definition wrong.
I had been ashamed to be so vulnerable, I felt naked, I could find nothing to cover me, no where to hide where He would not seek me out. I believe that is what God wanted me to learn. That nothing could cause Him to stop loving me, to stop pursuing my heart. My nakedness, my vulnerability, my dark secrets, my points of shame and sin did not turn Him away but only gave him the opportunity to reveal to me the depths of His unconditional, powerful, fighting-for-my-heart, never-finds-me-a-lost-cause, mysterious Love. (Psalm 42:7-8)
The question: Who am I? My calling? My purpose? My gifts? My accomplishments? My failures? My weaknesses? My sickness? labels put on by man?
The answer: His daughter.
My response: Hope, I reflect on the year with reverance, thankfulness and submission, knowing that I am here today only because of the faithfulness of my Father, not by my own strength. I don't understand my year, and I NEVER want to repeat it. But when I reflect on what I learned about the character of God, those are things I never regret learning, I am thankful. and I love, and feel loved. (thank you to all my friends who walked me through, I am forever thankful for the unconditional love you gave) He has replaced my old dreams with new ones and given me hope. (yay America! yay the World! yay Grad. School! yay Colorado! yay teaching!...) But I encourage all those who look back on their year with pain,suffering, and regret. Know that God's faithfulness is what has guided you this far. Continue to hope, continue to dream, continue to take risks, continue to Love an uncommon reckless sort of Love, continue to seek to know Him, obey despite your lack of understanding in His plans, wait on Him, Rest in His arms, He truly is a place of refuge, Trust that He is faithful, take time in silence to Listen to His heart.
All is summed up in the ropes motto "For the glory of God, and so others may live." I pray that my past year may be used to glorify God, is being used for the glorify God, and that I will forever acknowledge His greatness, His mystery, and His goodness. His character is true to His word, i will trust in Him despite what I see around me. No matter what the cost I am bound to Him in Love. and I will follow Him wherever He leads.
I.
AM.
HIS.
Yesterday was my one year anniversary of being baptized. One year ago I was really sick, I stopped breathing, then by the grace of God I was healed when baptized.
I spent this memorable day doing. well. nothing. As I went through the day I decided to question God. Such questions as: "Why did you save me? Was it worth it? Am I worth it?" You see, in my reflections of this year I felt pain, dissapointment, anger, and shame. I had a huge expectancy for this year. I thought because God had saved me in such a huge way it was because of this big, magnificant purpose. But when I looked back I saw this:
1. Divorce (my parents)
2. Cheating (my parents)
3. broken friendships
4. heart ache
5. false hope (RA program, staff, Kenya TL)
6. Hospitals (multiple visits) seizures and as a result no more outdoors activities (running), or hanging out late with friends, or doing fun things. was i sick because of "lack of faith?" or "unforgiveness?" "past sins?" (direct quotes)
7. confusion about my future, self-doubt, lack of self-confidence, major... MAJOR crisis of faith
8. lonliness in a community setting....(it is possible)
9. Prayer. People would pray for me, I wouldn't be healed, and I would leave embaressed, feeling that everytime I had a seizure, or "submitted to the spirit of sickness" (yes a direct quote), that I was sinning.
10. graduating late, failing courses....arrr....microcomputing
11. switching churches...arrr.....pain in my heart.
12. switching friends....arr...pain in my heart.
I felt that all God had told me, all God had given me, I had screwed up. I had dissapointed him, this caused shame and a whole lot of pain. I would spend hours crying, crying for hope. I stopped dreaming of a good future, for fear that there was nothing good in mine. I became bitter and would fight God, and would disobey with a prideful attitude because I was hurt, I was angry, I did not feel safe. I just wanted to feel safe.
~Journal Entry:
Rain always makes me feel safe. On the day of my baptism, in Uganda, it rained ONLY in the backyard where I was standing. Every month on the 10th (I was counting up to the one year celebration haha time on my hands...) it would rain. On my one year...suprise suprise...it rained. It's God's way of telling me that I am safe, that He is faithful and good.
Anyways...
That brought me to yesterday where I asked God if it was worth it. Was saving me worth it? I felt I had screwed up his plans, and perhaps he was done with me. and that this year was punishment. God answered me with a fierceness in his voice, I imagine it to be the way He spoke to Job when Job questioned the character of God (Job 38-41):
"Sarah, I did not save you so you could accomplish great things, or because of your giftings, or your leadership skills, I saved you because I am your Father and you are my daughter, and that is what Father's do, they protect their children."
I had been saved for a "great magnificant purpose:" to know Him. I just had the definition wrong.
I had been ashamed to be so vulnerable, I felt naked, I could find nothing to cover me, no where to hide where He would not seek me out. I believe that is what God wanted me to learn. That nothing could cause Him to stop loving me, to stop pursuing my heart. My nakedness, my vulnerability, my dark secrets, my points of shame and sin did not turn Him away but only gave him the opportunity to reveal to me the depths of His unconditional, powerful, fighting-for-my-heart, never-finds-me-a-lost-cause, mysterious Love. (Psalm 42:7-8)
The question: Who am I? My calling? My purpose? My gifts? My accomplishments? My failures? My weaknesses? My sickness? labels put on by man?
The answer: His daughter.
My response: Hope, I reflect on the year with reverance, thankfulness and submission, knowing that I am here today only because of the faithfulness of my Father, not by my own strength. I don't understand my year, and I NEVER want to repeat it. But when I reflect on what I learned about the character of God, those are things I never regret learning, I am thankful. and I love, and feel loved. (thank you to all my friends who walked me through, I am forever thankful for the unconditional love you gave) He has replaced my old dreams with new ones and given me hope. (yay America! yay the World! yay Grad. School! yay Colorado! yay teaching!...) But I encourage all those who look back on their year with pain,suffering, and regret. Know that God's faithfulness is what has guided you this far. Continue to hope, continue to dream, continue to take risks, continue to Love an uncommon reckless sort of Love, continue to seek to know Him, obey despite your lack of understanding in His plans, wait on Him, Rest in His arms, He truly is a place of refuge, Trust that He is faithful, take time in silence to Listen to His heart.
All is summed up in the ropes motto "For the glory of God, and so others may live." I pray that my past year may be used to glorify God, is being used for the glorify God, and that I will forever acknowledge His greatness, His mystery, and His goodness. His character is true to His word, i will trust in Him despite what I see around me. No matter what the cost I am bound to Him in Love. and I will follow Him wherever He leads.
I.
AM.
HIS.
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